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but are you happy?

I saw a quote the other day that really resonated with me and the way I view life.

It said:

"Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career, are married or own a house; as if life was some kind of grocery list. But nobody ever asks if you are happy."

Heath Ledger


The most important question in life.

Yet everybody forgets to ask it.

Friends, I can't stress this enough.

Choose the humans you share life with well.

Be picky. Have boundaries.

Let them care deeply for you.

Allow them to nurture you.

& do the same back for them.

Relationships are important.

Be there.

Be the light.

Choose humans that care to ask you hard questions (like if you're happy) and listen in loving admiration.

Choose humans that support you in every stage of your life.

Choose humans that admire you and your ways even when they choose a different path.

Choose humans that genuinely love you.

You deserve that.

Let's take a few steps back.

This blog all started as an outlet while I was sick.

& started with this post "Bullshit Repellent".

A way for me to express what I was feeling at an extremely isolating time in my life and to help people understand what having a chronic illness was like.

Now let's be real.

My dedication to portraying what chronic illness was like crept in and out. (Energy was at an all time low.)

& I definitely didn't have much "luck" at getting my point across.

People are dense, man.

"Just suck it up."

"No problem, dude. I will make sure to do that. Right after I break out into a full sweat and pass the fuck out after a shower. & I will be sure to hold my vomit in after I eat."

You are right. I can just suck it up.

Sorry, side tangent.

But that's how it felt.

You get the word cancer thrown at you and the whole town rallies around you.

Get in a car accident. Casseroles for days.

Which is absolutely beautiful.

I love that kind of community.

But, friends.

Don't forget about the chronic illness community.

They exist.

They are real humans too.

If you are reading this and suffer from chronic illness....

I see you.

I hear you.

& I am here for you.

(Always feel free to reach out.)

Getting back to my point.


I don't care what car you drive.

I don't care where you live.

I don't care what you're wearing.

I don't care what you eat.

I don't care how often you get your hair and nails done.

I care about you.

I care about what hurts you.

I care about the things that make you happy.

I care about your health (mental, physical and emotional).

I care about your soul.

Some of you may have noticed this about me.

But I will never ask you what you do for a living.

I will never ask if you have kids.

I will never ask if you plan to have more kids.

If it is something you want to share (like work accomplishments or your kid's report card) I will happily listen and engage.

But I will never do the asking.

I like to ask things like :

How have you been? Truly?

Are you feeling good in your body?

Are you enjoying life?

What is good in your life?

Are you happy?

& holy heck and bob do those kind of questions scare the fucking hell out of people.

Not all people.

But a LOT of people.

If I'm being honest, it's the look in their eyes that keeps me asking.

I either get eyes that glisten and glitter staring deeply into my eyes as if telling my soul thank you for actually caring to ask. (My favorite is when they actually express their gratefulness verbally, but seeing it their eyes is great too.)

Or I get somebody who feels incredibly uncomfortably by my question and shoots me that deer in the headlights look followed by the need to whip their head around checking what's going on around them, scratching their leg uncontrollably. (Serious, it's shocking how many people go to scratching. 😆)


I hope the people of the later one at least feel seen. Or think to ask the next person they see how they are truly feeling.

I can't do surface level relationships.

Which is why I have few friends.

Quality over quantity.

I won't lie, I expect a lot from a friend.

In the open and honest realm anyway.

I want to know your struggles.

I want to know what you aren't happy with and how you're working on changing it.

I want to know your dreams and aspirations. & will support you however they look.

I want to cry with you.

I want to discover things with you.

I want to love you.


I don't care what it looks like.


I don't care what others think about your life.


I don't care if people are "disappointed". Disappointing yourself will is far worse.


I want you to love the life you live.


The cool thing is, only YOU get to choose what that looks like.

You are the author of your story.

So you better take your time and write a fucking good one.

So, I have to ask.


Let me know below.

Or if you want a more private forum, message me. DM me. Hit me up on Instagram.

Next time you run into a friend or chat on the phone, take the time to actually talk.

Not surface level catch up.


About how you feel.

What's hard.

What is going great in your life.

& if you're looking for a really good friend, I always have an open spot. 😁

Yes, I said really good friend.

Because I am.

& something I'm very proud of.

So I will wear it proudly.

I hope you have a happy life.

You deserve that.


Kirsten ☀️

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