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pictures of me? i don't think so.

Who else has spent a lot of their life feeling this way?

I refused to have them taken.

Not sure if it was because my grandpa was a photographer, if it was because I was the only child, grandkid and niece for many years (read : always the center of attention) or I subconsciously took on how my momma bear felt about them.

Maybe all of the above.

But I despised them.

Did not want to be in them.

Did not want to take part.

Fast forward to now.

I can't say I'm enjoying putting myself in front of the camera, but I'm embracing it.

I've learned to not be so hard on myself.

& now when I look at my cameral roll and there are photos of me in it, it makes me happy.

Because let's be real...

It sucked looking through my camera roll all the time and having none of my own memories with me in them to look back on.

I'm not sure what your thirties does to a person, but the confidence I have been feeling within myself is very welcome. Very welcome.

I feel like a brand new human.

One who actually believes she matters.

A special shoutout to my lady, Paige Folken.

For always secretly whipping out your phone and taking the most lovely photos of me without me even knowing. You started this journey of me being okay with seeing myself.

I don't know if you understand the impact it has had on me or my momma bear.

I'll never forget a photo Mom recently shared with me. It was a back view of Mom, Dad and Alan standing together and looking at the sunset off the roof balcony of him and Paige's Arizona apartment complex. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "I love this photo. Who would even think of taking a photo like this. Paige is pretty great."

So to Paige.

Thanks for reminding us of the simple joys in life.

To not be so hard on ourselves.

& for teaching me (whether you knew it or not) to have more confidence in myself.

There are not enough words in the dictionary to write a script about how much I love you.

But I hope I tell you often enough just how much you mean to me.

A recent shot I would like to share from Instagram that the hubs took.

The caption reads:

just really pretty happy living this life of mine.

& trying to get better at allowing photos of me to be taken.🤯

btw...if you swipe you will see why this photo was actually taken.

naughty little cat dad couldn't resist the boob & when he showed me the photo all i did was roll my eyes and say, "you could have at least got my face in it."

so he reshot it & i liked how it turned out. so now it should live here.

SEE!! I really am getting better at allowing myself to be seen.

Always grateful for the process of growth.

Also, if you're interested in the other shot...why not.

Here it is.

Glad he kind've likes me. 😜



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